Jason, 47, was making over $400K a year. He has 4 kids and has spent over a decade of his life flatlined, stuck on a plateau, both personally and professionally. Last year, when we connected, it was after the Strategic Training Group had filled. He was ready to go as he is this year, but now his power has started to wane and he’s not sure if he can make the commitment to the group.
He thinks fear is holding him back, fear that making big changes in his life will cause him to lose ground in other areas -- family, fitness, finances, friends etc.
I reminded him that joining a team like this isn’t so that he’d lose power, but so he’d gain it. He got that quickly, but here’s what surprised him and enlightened me.
Jason had missed 2 appointments with me before we finally connected. He was one of the few I followed up with to reschedule. Usually, if someone misses an appointment, I just move on, but this time I didn’t. I was glad because of what we discovered. We discovered Jason’s fear is being generated by his own lack of precision.
“Where would you be right now if you said what you meant and did what you said you would do? What if you made powerful commitments and actually followed through on them?” I asked.
“Oh man… way further,” he said.
“Can you see how that would affect your personal relationships with others? You’ve got no brotherhood, why? Because the good dudes will just move on and away from those who can’t keep their commitments.”
“Oh my God, that makes sense. I had never thought about that.”
Jason has ideas beyond his current self and situation, but he’s afraid that pursuing them will jeopardize his current comfort. For sure, there’s legit fear that should be present when making such a pivot, but the fear that’s coming from our own sloppiness can be eliminated pretty quickly. It’s about precision and accountability.
It’s simple if you think about it. If you make promises to yourself and actually keep them, you’ll progress very nicely. It’s just that we swim in a culture of comfort, surrounded by others who just talk and don’t act. That makes not following through the norm, rather than the exception. When we don't keep the small promises, we lose confidence in our ability to keep the big ones.
My Beliefs Are Limiting Me
Jason kept bringing up this notion that he was suffering from his own self-limiting beliefs, as if he caught them like a cold, like they were a psychological condition to be cured through talk therapy. I got very pragmatic with him here, and explained that the reason most people think they can’t do something great in their life is because they are constantly failing to make and fulfill basic promises to themselves and others-- diets, exercise routines, adventures.
I leaned into him a bit about having missed two of our meetings. “How could you trust yourself to make a huge pivot like starting a new business, or significantly changing the trajectory of your career if you can’t even show up for a scheduled appointment on time?” When we fail to keep our promises to others, it’s not just their trust we’re breaking in us. We’re also breaking trust in ourselves. What I mean is that our actions subtly teach us to stop trusting ourselves, and when the time comes to go big, we don't trust ourselves to see it through.
So, how do you get rid of a self-limiting belief?
You start making promises, big and small, and start keeping them. If you say you’re going to meet with someone, then show up on time and ready to go. If you say you’re going to call someone back in 5 minutes, then call them back in 5 minutes. If you say you’re going to produce an additional $200K this year, then produce it.
How do you do all of this?
You start surrounding yourself with bold dudes and keep up with them.
Yes. It’s that easy. Change your environment and you change your life.